The suspects
The suspects

The pressure of writing an award winning blog*, which has 3,472 views in its lifetime, from places as far away as South Korea (Hi Siwan and In ki), is mammoth. With all the pressure (think the Earth on the back of a turtle) I should be as thin as a piece of paper (think the Earth on top of a photo of a turtle). Nevertheless, I’ve got to keep the posts rolling out like chocolates at Cadbury World because there’s no time for sick leave when you’re a blogger. Inconveniently, the web doesn’t wait for you to get better. It simply redirects readers to the latest viral blog post such as: “25 things you didn’t know about socks!”, “Breathing – how you’re doing it wrong!” and “13 things only everyone knows”.

What I’m getting at is – I feel like crap right now. I’d rather being wallowing in self-pity-ville with a prescription for cream cakes and a Caribbean cruise. But my 5km swim for Sport Relief is in 5 days and I want to have my blog up-to-date before then. Also, I’d like an award for blogging 🙂  #UniverseAreYouListening?

Now onto the swimming business

On Wednesday 12th March I had my worst swim ever – think this bad. It was so bad I made very few notes afterwards. Hence why the majority of this post is non-swimming related – the whinge above and the observation about a phenomena I’ve dubbed ‘swimmers hair’ below.

I got in the pool and unlike last week I didn’t feel like a fish at all. I felt like I’d forgotten how to swim. My arms and legs just felt wrong. To make matters worse I soon developed a headache. I was unsure as to what the cause was but my main suspects were:

1. lack of oxygen –  I might have been doing too many stokes in a row and not taking enough breaths.

2. dehydration – I hadn’t drunk much water that day

3. Swimming too fast – This made me tired sooner and I think relates to the lack of oxygen

4. swimming hat – I thought I’d made peace with it but obviously I hadn’t. My swimming hat is bloody tight. It hurts my head.

In the end I spent more time showering than swimming. Literally, I did something pathetic like 15 lengths in 25 minutes. If that. I can’t remember. It was so abysmal that I’ve blocked out the memory.

Further, I turned into a bit of a bully like Webbed Hand Man! I bumped into the same female swimmer twice! In my defence she was going very slowly in the medium speed lane. But still, I should have been looking ahead and not assuming she was moving her ass at medium speed*.

Swimmers hair

I’ve never been a big fan of hair. Cutting, washing, styling, drying, dying – it’s all too much work. You can pay people to do it for you but in my experience they mess it up. So the onus to have publicly acceptable hair falls on my shoulders*.

Now, ‘swimmers hair’ basically translates into: I can’t be bothered to wash my hair as I’m going swimming… tomorrow/in two days time/in a few days time… So I’ll just wear it in a pony tail/bun hopefully no one will notice/I don’t care if they do. Basically.

Here is a photo of my swimmers hair:


You can see the lumps, the stragglers and the grease.

Here is a photo of my hair post-swim after I’d washed it:


It looks gorgeous doesn’t it? Front cover of Hair Today if you ask me.

So yes, you can use the term ‘swimmers hair’. Obviously please cite me in all references. If there is “sufficient evidence” of it being used “over a reasonable period of time” then I might be able to get it in the Oxford Dictionary. #ImSerious

Fundraising time!

I’m nearly at £500.  Thank you to everyone who has sponsored me. I’m still completely amazed that I’ve reached this far. If you’d like to make a donation please visit:

* I wish

* Yes, I bolded those words to do the whole ‘ass out of you and me thing’. #Genius

* #WordPlayGod Hair/shoulders get it?